Say It's Possible
by AlexandraBurniese
Summary: Edward and Bella become best friends in the 7th grade. Over the following years their relationship changes and evolves into something they never expected. AH/AU/Slightly OOC. M for mature themes/sexual content/language.
1. Chapter 1

**Edward's POV**

**September, 1995**

Middle School. Purgatory.

I could not make myself feel excited for the beginning of this school year. There would be nothing remarkable about the seventh grade. My best friend had moved away at the end of last year, the classes would be tedious, and even if I was remotely interested in finding a girlfriend, I doubted one with half a brain cell would exist in this school.

Since the school consisted of grades 6-8 and I had been here last year, I found my classroom easily. It was a small school for a small town. We had lockers, but we did not switch classes. Therefore, I would spend all day in this cramped room with 25 or so other students and wish for death to find me.

I had a teacher that was new to the school this year, who had apparently just moved to Washington. Why he would choose to move to this small, rainy town was beyond me. I myself would love to get out of Forks one day – to where, I was not sure.

The bell rang, signaling the start of class, and I settled in for the dullness. The teacher began taking roll, and just then, the door opened and I felt a gust of wind blow through the room.

I glanced up at the person who had opened the door, and found myself having to do a double take. There stood quite possibly the prettiest girl I had ever seen. I didn't recognize her, so she must be new. And her wide brown eyes were boring into mine.

I analyzed her as she made her way into the room and walked up to the teacher. I heard him murmur to her to pick any seat because there wasn't assigned seating. I looked around and noticed the desk next to me was empty, and before I knew what had happened, she sat in it.

She glanced over at me and smiled, a small half-smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, but made me feel giddy all the same. I smiled back at her, not sure what kind of a smile it looked like. Was it an exulting smile of happiness? Was it a small, polite smile, that's only purpose was to acknowledge hers? I didn't know, and hoped that it didn't matter, and that she would be able to find friendliness in me anyway.

The morning class passed slowly, and I kept sneaking glances at her whenever I could. She wore a khaki colored skirt and a purple sweatshirt and converse-like sneakers with no socks. Her long, flowing brown hair was shiny, and even from where I sat, I could smell her clean scent radiating off of her. She was small, petite, though her body was more fully developed than most of the girls at our school. Her smooth legs were curvy and shapely, unlike the stick straight ones I was used to seeing around here as girls tried shamelessly to flirt with me. She wore no makeup, which was a blessing, considering most of the girls I knew wore a ton of it, as if they didn't know how to properly apply it at this young age. However, her face was smooth with an olive tint; flawless, except for dark shadows under her eyes. I wondered if she hadn't slept well, and then wondered what might have kept her up.

I decided to try and sit with her at lunch. No doubt she wouldn't know anyone else here, and might even be too shy to approach anyone herself.

The bell for lunch rang, and she hurried out into the hallway of lockers. I saw she had a locker near mine and she threw her books in and then pulled out a paper sack. She turned quickly and strode away, to a group of picnic tables, and sat at the one under a tree, farther away from where the other kids gathered.

I went and purchased my hot lunch and then came out of the cafeteria to make my way to her table. She still sat alone, staring off into the field where a soccer and football game was being played simultaneously, and I was pleased. I didn't want to have to fight for her attention with anyone else. I wanted time to get to know her myself.

I walked up to her and asked her if I could join her. She looked at me and nodded. So, maybe she was a bit shy.

"So, new to town?" I asked.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," she replied, rather cryptically.

"Did you just move here?" I continued to prod.

"About a week ago. My parents are divorced, and I moved to my dad's from my mom's."

"I see. My parents are divorced too."

"Do you live with your mom or dad?" she asked.

"My mom. My dad lives about two hours away. I don't see him often." Why did I throw that in?

"Hmm," she said thoughtfully, then stared off into space again.

"I'm Bella," she said, without looking at me.

"Edward," I replied, smiling at her.

"Nice to meet you Edward," she said, smiling a small smile again, and turned back to her sandwich.

After that day, we were inseparable. We sat next to each other on the morning and afternoon busses, had lunch together, chose each other for gym partners. She told me about how it was her choice to come and live with her dad, Charlie, and away from her mom, Renee and her boyfriend, Phil. When I asked why, she wouldn't answer. Her dad had a girlfriend, Nadine, who lived with them, and she had two kids. She seemed to like her dad's girlfriend and said that they were close. I asked if they were going to marry. She just shrugged.

We liked some of the same music and foods. We both liked to read books, and exchanged them often. I learned her likes and dislikes, and she learned mine. Things grew comfortable.

We spent many hours on the phone with one another at night. It was always hard to talk during class. We talked about everything from the people at school to what we wanted to do with our lives and how we both hoped to get out of Forks someday. She told me about the stupid things that her younger sister, Rosalie, did, and I regaled her with similar stories about my younger brother, Emmett. For whatever reason, they got along well, and hung out just as much as Bella and I.

I tried to get her to hang out with me as much as possible. Honestly, I'd rather not be around my house if I could help it. My mom, Esme, had some issues, and I was tired of the consequences of those falling to me. Emmett seemed oblivious to all of this, and I wondered if that's because I instinctively sheltered him from having to see anything. If that was the case, then I was happy that he wouldn't know how much mom hurt, how drunk she got, and how many men she slept with.

So Bella and I would head to the elementary school playground and climb to the top of the jungle gym and lie down so that no one from the ground could see us behind the low walls. We'd lay there for what seemed like forever, sometimes talking, sometimes not. Our silences were never uncomfortable. Maybe we just liked the sensation of not being alone.

Most nights, she seemed as reluctant to go home as I was, though she never told me why, and I never asked. For some reason, I felt like I would be intruding if I asked. Maybe I just didn't want to know the answer.

Bella became my best friend. She knew everything there was to know about me, even though most of it I had never spoken aloud. She knew about my mom and dad and how I was more the caretaker than anything. I knew about her family and how they were gradually growing distant, yet she still didn't explain why.

We did make other friends, besides each other. She decided to become friendly with a girl named Jessica Stanley, and I befriended a boy named Laurent, who wasn't in our class but was in our grade. Sometimes they would eat with us, and sometimes they wouldn't. It was the two of them that told us that since we were always together and obviously were close, that we should just date each other.

I'd never dated a girl and I wasn't sure if Bella had dated a boy, and we weren't quite sure what it all entailed. Nonetheless, they literally pushed the two of us together, so as we stood not six inches apart facing one another, I reached my hand up and put it on her shoulder. She looked at me, surprise on her face, and then did the same with her hand.

Two days later, she passed me a note in class.

_I don't really know what this dating thing is supposed to be about, but it feels weird._

I got out my pen and wrote under her words:

_I know the feeling. Want to go back to normal?_

She read the note and then smiled at me, and I knew she was agreeing.

Summertime rolled around, and we spent nearly every day together. It was hard to see the changes in Bella, since I saw her so often, but they were there. Her hair was getting longer, and the parts near her ears weren't as frizzy as they used to be and they were long enough that she could tuck them behind her ears. She didn't grow taller, but she grew wider. I don't mean that she grew fat, but more like her hips became wider, and before I knew what had happened, she had a round butt sticking out of her jeans. I tried not to notice.

I continued to grow taller, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

My mom got a job at the local bowling alley, since my dad cut back the amount of support he was sending, and we needed the money. Our house hadn't had a mortgage on it for years, but we still had utilities and food to pay for. I spent a lot of time at the bowling alley and tried to limit her beers. The staff cut me a break by allowing me to play as much as I liked. I became decent at the sport, and decided to join a league.

Bella's dad wouldn't always let her come to the alley with me, though I wasn't sure why, so most of the time I just watched over my brother and tried not to be bored.

Eighth grade rolled around and it was much the same as seventh and it went by way too quickly. Charlie and Nadine ended up getting married and Bella gave her father away, which I thought was cute but she thought was corny. She showed me some pictures from the wedding and I couldn't believe how pretty Bella looked.

By the summertime between eighth grade our freshman year, Bella didn't hang out with me as much as usual outside of school, and this made me sad, but I couldn't sit at home and watch my mother make an idiot out of herself every day. I hung out with Laurent more and spent more time at the bowling alley.

I decided I wouldn't tell Bella how much I missed her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Bella's POV**

_**August, 1997**_

High School. Purgatory.

I entered into the school, armed with my class schedule and book bag, and tried to figure out where I needed to go. I thought about trying to find my locker, but decided to do that once I actually had something to put in it. Maybe at lunch time.

I hated to admit that I was nervous, but I was exactly that. I was nervous about being in high school, nervous about meeting new people, and nervous about seeing ones that I already knew.

I instinctively looked everywhere for Edward. He had called me the day before and we exchanged our class schedules and I knew that I'd have fourth period English with him. I wanted to see him. And at the same time, I didn't want to see him.

We'd gradually been growing more distant with one another since the last half of eighth grade, and I knew that was all my fault. I felt bad about it, tremendously. But I knew that if I let myself get too close to him right now, he'd see through my pretenses and wonder what was wrong.

_He's probably already wondering that, idiot_, I told myself.

Yeah, he probably was. Edward wasn't stupid. The exact opposite, actually. And he knew me well enough to know that something was up. I just didn't want to talk about it. It was easier that way.

My family was falling apart, the family that was unconventional, yet I had come to love and grown comfortable with. I wasn't close with my mom any longer, that had been happening since I'd moved out of her house. Nadine and I had grown close, though I didn't particularly get along with her daughter, who used to live with us, and that caused for some tension. But lately, things had gotten bad. And I mean, dad and Nadine not talking to each other—while Nadine sneaks phone calls to men that she'd met on the internet – bad.

Earlier this year, my dad surprised us all and brought home our first computer. We were all anxious to try it out and play with the internet, something we'd all heard about and dad used sometimes at work, but none of us had much exposure with it. He signed us up for an AOL account and we all made screen names. I had fun browsing sites like Encyclopedia online and reading about my favorite authors. Nadine, on the other hand, hit the chat rooms.

She found pictures of beautiful women on the internet and sent them to the men she chatted with, saying she was the woman in the photos. She had the phone company install a new phone line in the house and hid the extension under the stairs and turned the phone onto silent when my dad was home. She slept on the couch all day and was up all night, chatting online with these men, taking her secret phone into the coat closet, where I could hear her moaning and talking dirty as I put my sister and stepbrother to bed at night.

If Charlie knew what was going on, he didn't tell me, but he gradually began to fall apart. His way of dealing with things was working longer hours. My older stepsister had moved out by this time, so the responsibilities fell to me.

I cooked, cleaned, did the laundry. I helped the kids with their homework and then did my own after they went to bed. I didn't like this routine, but I thought it would be temporary. I thought that Charlie and Nadine would work this thing out – they were newlyweds, after all. I thought my dad would realize what this was doing to us kids and step up and make changes. I thought Nadine would quit being stupid and stop acting like a 25 year old floozy. None of that happened.

I didn't really worry about us all getting along okay, until a day right before freshman year started that we ran out of food in the house. I'd tried getting creative to use every last can of food in the pantry, every slice of bread, every bag of peas. But, there was nothing left.

I tried waking Nadine, but she was passed out cold. She tended to drink while she prowled online, and I'd found an empty box of Franzia White Zinfandel in the trash can that morning.

I called Charlie at work. I was told he was out of the office.

There were few people I knew and trusted in Forks. I was embarrassed just thinking about calling any of them.

Edward would want to help me, but probably wouldn't be able to. His mom was probably passed out cold just like Nadine. And if I called him, I'd have to explain things. That thought alone made me sick to my stomach. I didn't want him to think less of me. I couldn't bear to lose him.

Jessica's family wouldn't understand about any of this if I told them. She wasn't raised with the same things as Edward and I were. Her parents were still married, and appeared to be in love. Her mom stayed at home and took care of the house and the laundry and still found time to run five miles a day and cook dinner each night. Jessica and her little brother had not a care in the world except for being kids. I knew that my family was not like hers and I also instinctively knew I would be looked down upon by them for my family troubles though none of it was my own doing. I couldn't call her.

So, that only left me one option.

I made my way upstairs to the small desk of my father's where he paid bills and found his checkbook. I could only hope he had money in the bank.

I found his signature on his returned checks and took out a blank piece of paper and practiced his signature a few times. Once I was confident that I had it down, I carefully signed a blank check and ripped it out of the book and put it into my back pocket.

That day, I distracted the kids as best as possible, sending them to play at a friend's house, hoping they would be able to have a snack there. When they came home, I would call the pizza parlor and order pizza and salad and try to space the food out over the next couple of days.

I set to work on the housework and the laundry and when I turned on the washer the water wouldn't come out.

I shut it off and played with it a few more times and realized I was not getting water out of it anytime soon.

I went into the bathroom and turned on the faucet. Nothing. I flushed the toilet, and the water flowed down into the bowl and didn't come back up.

I went back to Charlie's desk and found the water bill unopened with a red strip across the envelope that said "Final Notice".

I ripped it open and looked at the balance. Over $400.00. It appeared the bill hadn't been paid in months.

Our water had been shut off.

I became frantic, and looked for all of the other bills, ripping them open as I found them. Our gas and electric bill was past due as well. The mortgage hadn't been paid in months. My dad's car insurance had been cancelled.

What the hell was going on?

I dialed the station again and asked for Charlie. I told the operator that it was his daughter and I needed to speak with him urgently.

"Bells? Is everything okay?" Charlie's voice boomed over the phone.

"Hi Dad. No, everything is not okay. I need you to come home. I need you to come home right now." I told him.

"I can't do that Bells. There's a lot going on today."

"Well, there's a lot going on here too. Our water has been shut off, the power and gas is about to be, and you're probably going to lose the house to foreclosure. Not to mention, we don't have an ounce of food left in this house and Nadine is passed out cold on the couch," I told him icily.

Charlie was silent.

"Charlie, I am your daughter, not your wife, not your mother. I can't keep taking care of everything around here and hope that I'm doing okay. The doctor has called twice to ask why we haven't rescheduled Rosalie's check up. The bills haven't been paid and we have no food. I can't drive and I can't go to the grocery store and I don't have any money. Your wife is not helping with anything. What am I supposed to do here?" I was furious and the hot tears were blurring my vision and stinging my cheeks as I yelled at my father.

I heard him sigh, and then promise to be home shortly.

Charlie restocked the kitchen with food and left me three hundred dollars in cash. He grabbed a bunch of the bills from his desk and shoved them in his coat pocket and then I heard the garage door opening and the car starting up.

Nadine woke up a few hours later and went to the computer without a word. She called me to ask her to bring in another box of wine from the garage and a glass and then proceeded ignoring us all again. She didn't even ask where the kids were. A few hours later, I heard her yelling at me from the bathroom asking why the toilet won't flush.

I was scared of what was happening, but I knew it was up to me to hold it together. I needed to be the strong one here, for the kids at least. And I was afraid that if I told anyone one single thing of what was going on, that I would fall apart. Edward knew me so well; there wasn't much I could hide from him. But I had to try. If he looked too closely, if he pried or prodded to find out what was going on, I might lose it.

I caught a glimpse of his soft bronze hair as he walked down a hallway between first and second period, but I didn't dare call his name. I was glad I had spotted him, though. Somehow, I felt better knowing he was actually here.

I didn't see him again until I walked into the English classroom that we would share together. He looked up at me and grinned his crooked smile and I thought for a moment that maybe, everything would be okay.

Edward never asked directly what happened to cause our distance, but after that first day of school, we became inseparable once again. I hadn't realized how much I missed him. I felt lucky that he accepted me back without many questions. Maybe he had missed me too.

By Thanksgiving, Charlie and Nadine had their last fight. She threw a few suitcases of clothes and things together for her and my stepbrother, and loaded up her car. She hugged me and asked me to come with her. I told her no. She told me that she was heading south to meet a man that loved her and they had been talking for two months and that she would call me soon. I never saw or spoke to her again.

Edward snuck into my bedroom window that night. I hadn't called him. I don't know how he knew that something had happened or that I might need him. He didn't say a word, just lifted up my covers and climbed into bed with me, like old times. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and tucked my head under his chin and we fell asleep.

Towards the end of the school year, I noticed that Edward was talking more and more to a girl that had come from a different middle school than us. I didn't know Tanya well, but she hung out with Jessica sometimes and so I had talked to her here and there. I wondered what was going on with them. Maybe he had a crush on her.

The thought of him caring for her crushed me harder than I'd thought possible. As I dealt with the new overwhelming emotions and tried not to look him directly in the eye, I finally realized that I was jealous.

Jealous? Did I care for Edward? Tremendously. Did I like him? I guess so. Edward and I had a strange magnetism that drew us to one another. We knew each other so well that it didn't matter we didn't always speak what we felt. My heart hurt with the possibility that he might care for someone else as I believed he cared for me.

But what could I do about it? There was nothing I could do. I decided to wait it out and see what happened.

Edward came up to me on the last day of school our freshman year and told me he wasn't taking the bus home with me. Tanya had invited him over to her house and he was going to go hang out with her. I asked him if he liked her. He looked at his feet. I asked him if she was his girlfriend now. He just looked at me.

"This won't change anything between us, Bella. I'll always be there for you. You're my best friend."

"Everything's going to change, Edward. I just don't know how yet." I whispered to him. I didn't understand the force or the meaning of my words at the time, but they corresponded with the nagging, incessant feelings constantly at the forefront of my mind. Change was coming. We just didn't yet know the magnitude of it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Edward's POV**

_**May, 1999**_

And Bella was right. Everything did change

Our sophomore year flew by, and before I knew it, it was spring again. The snow melted off the ground and the trees grew back their leaves. All of this meant nothing, however. My mind was too preoccupied.

I had been saddened when Bella and I had grown apart before high school started. Therefore, I was hopeful, euphoric even, when she walked into that English class the first day of freshman year and as we looked at each other again, I felt that we might be able to get past the separation that we had been through. It was rough, but I wanted to be a good friend. I wasn't able to articulate into words what her and her friendship meant to me, but I tried to show her.

Bella took over her father's household once more after Nadine left. She was left to fend for herself and to take care of Rosalie while Charlie increased his working hours once more to escape being home. Bella was nothing but gracious to him, from what I could tell, but I also viewed the way that he looked at her from the corner of his eye when she wasn't looking. The look was clear to read: he felt that Bella hated him for what he'd put her through, and he wasn't sure if she'd forgive him.

I went over to her house sometimes after school and kept her company while she folded laundry or cleaned the kitchen. We would talk and joke and discuss everything from school and the people in it to the latest movies we'd seen on TV. I offered to help more than once, but she refused. She knew when I got around to it, that I would have my own chores waiting for me at my house. One afternoon when Bella got out a bucket and filled it with soap and hot water and got on her knees to clean the floor, I had to excuse myself. The sight of her working like a slave to clean the house was more than I could take.

Bella was taken aback by my incessant hurry to get home, but I couldn't tell her what was really running through my head. I couldn't tell her that she didn't deserve this; I couldn't tell her that someone should be taking care of her instead of her taking care of everyone else. Bella thought it was her duty to do what she could to keep what was left of her family together. I couldn't help but wish for more for her. Bella deserved happiness, comfort, security, peace. Not an ungrateful father who couldn't get his head out of his ass long enough to know his daughters were hurting. Not the weight of the world and the duties of a housewife on her shoulders.

I wanted to be able to bring her all of those things I felt she deserved. But that could not be my role.

The feelings running through my body and mind that year were more than I could take. I was confused while at the same time content; I was anxious while still feeling relieved. I was glad to have Bella at all; I couldn't imagine anyone else I would want to understand me better. But throughout all of this, I couldn't help but think that something big was on the horizon, something that would change our world indefinitely.

I met Tanya and her and I began getting to know one another. Tanya was safe. Tanya didn't twist my heart and gut a thousand different ways by her words or actions. So towards the end of freshman year when she asked if I wanted to see a movie with her, I agreed.

I'd never been on a date before, and I wasn't sure if this classified as one. We walked to the two-screen movie theater around the corner from school and I bought her ticket. So, I guess it was a date. The movie was good, and I couldn't help but wonder what Bella would think of it.

A small, but definite wave of guilt washed through me at that thought. Why was I thinking of Bella as I sat next to a very different, very pretty girl?

A small voice in the back of my head also reminded me that, if I had sat in this same seat watching this same movie with Bella instead of Tanya, that I wouldn't know what the movie had been about at all.

I knew that would have been true. Had it been Bella I watched this movie with, I would have been more intrigued with her reaction to it. I would have looked towards her to see her facial expressions during the action scenes, I would have worried how she would have handled the blood and the gore, I would have wondered how fast her heart was beating during the action or suspenseful scenes.

Realizing this, I looked towards Tanya. She was engrossed in the film, not paying attention to me. I wondered if Bella would be paying attention to me if she was sitting here.

But Tanya was safe. With Bella, there were a thousand different emotions, a million different outcomes. By being with Tanya, I would not make mistakes.

Tanya was safe.

By the spring of sophomore year, Tanya and I had been dating nearly a year. She was a good person, kind, generous. She made me laugh, from time to time. On Valentine's Day, I went to her house and we exchanged presents. As I kissed her goodnight on her front porch, she whispered that she loved me. I didn't know if I felt the same, but I knew that I _should _have known. That made me feel terrible, but I couldn't make myself say it back. I couldn't tell her something I wasn't sure was true.

As I walked home from her house, I contemplated my feelings for her. Then I wondered how a person could tell that they loved another. I thought there would be some sort of a sign. Something to indicate what my subconscious had known that I hadn't realized myself. Wasn't I supposed to feel a spark when we touched? A jolt of electricity when I held her hand? Shouldn't I sigh a breath of relief when I heard her voice on the other end of the telephone?

A chill went through me then, and it wasn't because of the winter chill. I had felt those things before, all of them. I felt them with Bella. That realization made me a different person that night.

And in that, I had my answer.

My heart pounding, I began to plot.

I didn't love Tanya, but I could learn to.

I could not love Bella. I was not the one she was destined to end up with.

I would need to plan carefully. I would need to limit my time with Bella without her being suspicious. My time now would need to be focused on Tanya.

Bella had been quite busy lately without me, anyway. She had taken a job at the local deli after school and on the weekends. She was trying to save up for a car and the rest of her life. The rest of her time was spent on taking care of her family, schoolwork, and spending time with her friends. Perhaps evading her attention wouldn't prove too difficult, after all.

* * *

I was worried. I had tried to call Bella for three days now, and she wouldn't call me back. I knew she was busy, but usually she called me back as soon as she could. This was not like her.

I had done well with my plan to spend less time with her since Valentine's Day. It was hard, now that I was conscious of the fact that I loved her, and I needed to love someone else. I didn't realize how difficult it would be to purposely avoid her from time to time, when I wanted nothing more than to be near her.

Tanya seemed pleased with my new focus on her, though she never said anything. I just received more ideas from her of 'super fun' couple things that she and I could do together, and how could I turn her down?

But it had been awhile since I had seen Bella at all. She hadn't been in school on Thursday or Friday. I had stopped into the deli twice, planning to use my usual excuse of being hungry in order to catch a glance at her and make sure she was okay. After that I walked to her house, only to find it dark and several days worth of newspapers and mail overflowing the front stoop. Something wasn't right.

Bella didn't have a cell phone. Charlie did but I didn't know the number. I was up a creek without a paddle and I was scared out of my mind. Bella wasn't okay. She wasn't warm and safe in any place that I could check on her.

Another two days passed, and finally, Charlie's truck was in front of the house once again. I knocked on the door. Charlie finally answered it, several emotions flickering across his face before it finally settled on sheepish.

"Look, Edward. I know you and Bella are friends and you care about her. But now's just not a good time."

"What happened to her, Charlie? Is she sick?" I asked.

He looked anywhere but in my eyes. I hesitated a moment, and then ducked under his arm that held the door open and ran up the stairs to Bella's room.

Bella didn't look at me as I reached the doorway and stood in it, taking in the sight of her. She was propped up in her bed, staring out the window. There was a look there that I had never seen before, a blank look of desolation, of absolution. It was as if something had come to an end, and she was mourning.

As I silently crept closer, I noticed the dark circles and bags under her eyes. And then my eyes lowered and I saw the blood stained sheets resting under her.

I don't know how long I stood there trying to figure out what was happening. I eventually heard Charlie behind me and felt his hand on my shoulder. The feeling was foreign; it made me nervous. It was a preface of hard words to come.

"Edward, why don't you come downstairs with me? Bella, honey, do you need anything?"

She silently shook her head and continued staring out the window. She never looked at me. The blank look remained.

Not knowing what to do, I followed Charlie back downstairs and he led me into the kitchen. I sat at the kitchen table and he wordlessly placed a glass of water in front of me.

"Edward, Bella's not sick. She's had an abortion."

The words twisted through me like ice, and I felt cold all over. They echoed through my ears and into my brain and seemed to float around in there, but I couldn't grasp them and make them hold still for a moment for them to make sense.

All at once, the world came crashing.

"Bella was _pregnant_?" I whispered in disbelief. I didn't realize until later that my eyes were stinging with hot tears, threatening to fall.

"Yes, she was. She was... Bella was raped, Edward. I guess it happened a few months ago and she was too ashamed to tell anyone. She probably wouldn't have told anyone except for the fact that she realized that she was pregnant and that she was in no position to be a mother at sixteen," Charlie explained. He spoke so matter of factly, that I knew he had turned off the father mode and gone into full cop mode. Maybe that made him cope better.

Bella. My Bella had been attacked, brutalized, in the worst way imaginable. She had had something special taken from her, her first time should have been with someone she cared about. Someone she loved. She had been given motherhood and had chosen to walk away from it. My heart began hurting at the thought of the pain she must be in, the pain she must have been in the past months without anyone to talk to. I had avoided her so completely that she probably felt she couldn't come to me with this problem. Or any problem, for that matter. And in that moment, I began to hate myself.

Some friend I was.

"I would have supported her if she wanted to keep it, but... Bella's stubborn, Edward. You know that. You know that once her mind is made up there's no changing it. Bella didn't want to raise a child without a father, having to explain to that child later that he or she was the product of her rape. She felt that burden didn't belong on any child. And she was heartbroken with the thought of carrying a baby to term and falling in love with it only to have to give it away to someone else. So I drove her to Seattle to a respectable doctor there, and she had the procedure done. We had to wait a few days for the doctor to check her over again, and we just got home this morning," Charlie said.

"Who was it?" I said in a monotone voice that I didn't recognize as my own.

"Who was who?" Charlie asked, confused.

"Who was the monster that did this to her?!" I shouted at him, scaring both of us.

"She wouldn't tell me, Edward. She said she wasn't sure who it was."

"How could she not know? Didn't she get a good look at him?" I was whispering again, trying to avoid Bella hearing our conversation from upstairs. My revenge needed not be a concern of hers.

"She didn't tell me much about the attack. All she said was that she was walking home from the deli one night and a guy pulled her into an alley. She said she tried to scream and fight but he held his hand over her mouth and he was so much stronger than her. She said it was over quickly." he whispered the last part, and I could hear the thoughts he couldn't say between the words. He felt guilty. He felt responsible. It made him sick to his stomach. And there was nothing he could do about it.

We talked for a few minutes more, and once I felt composed enough, I trudged back up to Bella's bedroom. She was sleeping. She was laying down, still slightly propped up by the many pillows. She looked peaceful as she slept, her hair fanned out around her. I sat down gently on the side of her bed and brushed a few loose strands away from her face.

This woke her, and she looked up at me, hesitant at first, then her expression softened as she took in mine. I had no idea what was pasted on my face at that moment, but it seemed to put her at ease.

"Edward? You came back up here?" she said quietly, in disbelief.

"Of course. You - what? Thought you'd scared me away?"

"Yes. I most definitely thought that. That's why I couldn't look at you, before. I haven't really looked at you in so long. I was afraid you'd see right through my pretenses and know something was wrong."

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. I'm sorry this happened. I'm sorry for what you're going through. But I want to be there for you, right beside you, through everything, from now on. If you'll let me. I never want anything to come between us again."

"What are you saying, Edward? We're friends. We always have been."

Her words made my stomach drop, and I thought that maybe that's how she truly viewed us. Maybe she would always see us as just friends.

I couldn't take that chance.

"We've never been just friends, Bella. There isn't a word for what you are to me."

"We've been through a lot, Edward. Not just with each other but in our lives. But I've always wanted you to be the one there with me through the crappy stuff," Bella said, almost smiling.

"What does this mean?" she asked.

"I love you Bella. I always have."

And with that, I leaned down and pressed my lips softly to hers. I did it before I could worry about what her reaction might be. I did it to show her that I meant what I said. I did it for many reasons, but mostly, I did it because I loved her.

After a moment, Bella responded, and then she was kissing me back. She tangled her fingers in my hair and I wrapped my hands around her neck. I felt the tingles, the surge of electricity between us that I knew I would if I ever was able to kiss her like this. Then my mind focused on the fact that I was kissing Bella, my Bella, the girl that I loved, that had my whole heart, and I smiled against her lips.

The next morning, I broke up with Tanya.


	4. Chapter 4

**Bella's POV**

**May, 2001**

The past two years of my life have been the best I could have imagined. Edward and I had become a couple and spent as much time together as possible. We were joined by our friends Jessica, Laurent, and others from school on outings to the bowling alley, movies and group dinners. Edward and I had plenty of time to ourselves, and exploring our new relationship was exciting. We loved each other, we made each other happy. I couldn't believe that he was actually my boyfriend. I had always been drawn to Edward, but now to tell him that I loved him, to spend as much time with him as I could, was amazing. It felt right, and I saw a future with Edward. I saw him and I being together forever.

I continued to work at the deli throughout high school, and my housework duties continued, but I didn't agonize over them as I had once done. My father was withdrawn, quiet, and rarely spoke more than a few sentences at a time to Rosalie or myself. He had always been quiet but since the incident with Nadine and her departure, he had been more reserved. I got to the point that I figured if something dire needed to be done around the house when I wasn't there, either him or Rosalie could figure it out.

The months after my abortion were difficult. It took me awhile to even say the word abortion. However, I knew I had made the right choice. Burdening Charlie with raising my sister and myself along with his grandchild was not something that I envisioned going well.

Edward was supportive of the whole ordeal. He asked me several times in the weeks afterward if I wanted to talk about it. I really didn't, I just more or less wanted to be comforted. So he would hold me as I silently let my thoughts take me over, with no sense of time. He didn't pressure me to feel like I needed to speak or entertain him in anyway, and I loved him all the more for that.

Edward ended up taking a job for a mechanic at the bowling alley. It fit, since he was there so much anyway. Emmett was at the bowling alley with him most days now and Edward was showing him the ropes. Rosalie always wanted me to take her to the bowling alley when she knew that Emmett would be there. She had a huge crush on him but begged me not to tell him or Edward. I kept her secret although Edward had told me about how Emmett went to greater lengths to pay attention to how he looked when he knew he was going somewhere that Rosalie would be. We knew these two had a puppy love going on, but they danced around it and didn't act on it.

Our senior trip was an overnight camping trip for a weekend out at La Push. It had been a few years since I had been to La Push and the weather was supposed to be phenomenal for this time of year, so I was really excited about the trip. However, it came to the point where we found out that due to budget cuts, the school couldn't get together the funds to sponsor the trip. They also couldn't get enough chaperones to commit to the trip for an entire weekend. Roughly half the senior class was already 18 so legally we didn't need chaperones. This became a huge topic at school, with students protesting at lunch time and rallies being held to champion the resources for the trip. Slogans were formed like "Class of 2001 – The ONLY Forks Graduating Class to NOT get a Senior Trip".

The final rally involved the parents. It seemed a pretty even split with parents supporting the kids going on the trip alone without chaperones, but the school made it clear that if that happened, they would not sponsor the trip in anyway. Mike Newton's mom stood up and said: "You already aren't sponsoring it, due to the budget cuts. You might as well go ahead and let us reserve the campground and each kid can be responsible for his or her supplies. The school doesn't have to do anything at all, but these kids will get a Senior Trip."

This ultimately ended up being the solution, and Edward and I each told our parents that we were going on the school trip. Since it was with a bunch of classmates, and there were still signs up all over town protesting the school's lack of support, both of our parents knew the situation and didn't ask a lot of questions. This included the fact that they didn't ask if it would ultimately be chaperoned, and we didn't volunteer the information.

Newton's Outfitters Store saw the most business that month than it had in the past year combined. Every senior at Forks High was in there purchasing tents, sleeping bags, coolers, hiking boots, etc. They were issuing rainchecks for certain items and placing more orders for merchandise. Mrs. Newton was ecstatic and said that it must have been her declaration in the last rally that helped make all of this possible.

Edward and I planned our trip carefully. We planned to stay together in the same tent, and that made me a little nervous. However, there was no one I'd rather share a tent with. I had slept in front of Edward before and I had seen him doze off as well, but this would be sleeping an entire night next to each other.

Edward and I split the cost of an air mattress. I don't have a problem with sleeping outdoors, but there was no way I was going to sleep on the hard ground. I found an old tent of Charlie's and set it up in our backyard one evening so that I could make sure it had all of the parts and didn't have any holes. I also found a dusty old sleeping bag, which I washed, and then subsequently ruined, in the dryer. So back to Newton's Outfitters for a new one.

The agreement was that each person would be responsible for their own food for the trip. Since Edward and I were considering ourselves one entity, we went ahead and packed one large cooler of food and drinks for the two of us. Some hiking boots, clothes, and books rounded out our possessions. We packed up Edward's small grey car with our gear and headed out to La Push on Friday afternoon of the camping weekend.

By the time we got out to the campground, there were many other students already there, some with tents set up, and others just arriving. We decided to set up our tent first, and once that was up, we laid out our air mattress and sleeping bags and arranged our duffel bags on the sides of the tent.

The tent wasn't large, but it was tall enough for both of us to lay out our sleeping bags and we could both stand up in it. As we tossed the last of our belongings into the tent, I couldn't help but look at Edward. He was looking around at our possessions, seeming pleased with getting everything set up. He noticed me looking at him and raised an eyebrow at me.

I couldn't speak at that moment, I looked at him, and thought about spending the night with him, alone. With no chaperones. I loved Edward, and I was ready to take our relationship to the next level. We hadn't exactly had conversations about having sex, so I wasn't sure where Edward stood on the issue. A few times, I had wanted to ask him flat out if he wanted to have sex with me, but I felt silly saying the words, and truthfully, I was a little afraid of his answer.

Would Edward want me in that way knowing that I had been raped?

I shuddered at the thought, and it caused Edward to have concern for me.

"Bella, please. What's going through your head?" He asked, clearly worried about me.

"It's nothing, Edward," I told him, averting my eyes.

He didn't exactly believe me, and jumped to his own conclusions.

"Bella, if you'll feel uncomfortable spending the night with me, you don't have to. We can swap tents with someone else. A guy can spend the night in here with me and you could spend the night with Jessica or something."

"That's not what I'm worried about, Edward. Besides, Jessica is staying with Laurent, remember?" They had more than taken their relationship to that level last year.

"I'm just saying, this isn't set in stone. Just because our stuff is all laid out doesn't mean we actually have to stay in here together. I don't want to push you into anything you don't want to do."

"Edward, I am thinking about spending the night with you in here, but the reason I am thinking about it is not because it makes me uncomfortable. Quite the opposite, actually," I finished quietly.

Both of his eyebrows shot up this time, and he didn't press me further. I would have elaborated, but I didn't know how to express the words.

I didn't know how to tell him that I _wanted_ him.

Oh, I knew that a large part of this feeling was the fact that I was eighteen years old and hormones were probably raging through my body. But mostly, I just wanted Edward. He had grown more and more handsome these past two years. His coppery hair was wavy and he constantly ran his fingers through it. His green eyes were piercing, his lean muscles tightened up the more he performed his mechanical duties at the bowling alley and he had also taken to running lately, keeping his physique in top shape.

I knew my body had changed as well. I had quit growing in height around the eighth grade, so 5'2" was probably going to be it for me. However my breasts had become shapelier and my hips wider and I was thankful that my waist stayed slim.

And while I knew Edward cared for me, and told me he loved me all the time, I couldn't help but wonder if he found me attractive. Attractive enough to want to give himself to me that way.

I knew that Edward was a virgin, and that made me secretly happy in a way. I might get to be his first.

If he wanted me.

"Yo, Edward! You guys all set up in there?" came Laurent's booming voice.

"Yeah, man! How about you?" Edward replied as he stepped out of the tent.

I lost any hope of continuing our conversation then. I followed Edward out of the tent and went to go find Jessica.

It was a few hours before I saw Edward again. The guys trekked down to the lake and had been casting fishing poles. They didn't catch much so the few fish they bothered to cook were gone quickly. I took out two turkey burger patties from our cooler and grilled those on one of the barbeque pits. Edward came up to me as I was flipping the patties.

"Hey love – what have you got going on?" He asked as he flopped down on the picnic bench and grabbed a handful of barbeque chips.

"I am grilling these turkey burgers for us. Do you want tomatoes on yours?"

"Please. I'll grab it from the cooler."

We finished preparing our meal then sat together on the bench to eat it. Edward told me about the fishing expedition. I told him that we girls mostly sat around and talked about boys. He laughed when I told him Jessica's story about how Laurent drooled in his sleep.

Just then, I saw a loud truck with rap music vibrating out of the windows. Edward turned around and followed my gaze and we saw James Smith get out of the cab.

"Well ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it appears that this party needs to get started! We don't have a no chaperone weekend for nothing!" yelled James.


	5. Chapter 5

**Bella's POV **

**Continued from chapter 4**

Edward rolled his eyes. "This James guy thinks he is all that," he said, annoyed.

"Yeah, but he is funny sometimes," I said.

We watched from our table as James lowered the tailgate of his truck and began unpacking case after case of beer and alcohol. Whoops and hollers filled the campground as people realized what was in his truck and came over to lift it all out.

Before long, a bonfire was going, and the last of the sun had set. I went back into our tent for a sweatshirt and joined Edward near the fire. He had a beer in his hand, which surprised me a little.

He chuckled when he saw the expression on my face. Then he reached onto the ground beside him and pulled up another beer, handing it to me.

I felt the cool bottle and sat down in the folding seat next to him. He reached over for my beer and popped the top off for me.

"I am surprised we are drinking. This isn't really our scene," I said in a lowered voice to Edward.

"Well Bella, it's our senior trip, we don't have to work tomorrow, and we might as well have a little fun. We are 18, not 12," he said, laughing.

I agreed. Just because I hadn't been a big partyer throughout school didn't mean I couldn't have a few beers with my classmates on an overnight camping trip.

The bonfire got bigger, music was playing from a boom box, and more and more drinks were getting passed around. Some people started dancing around the bonfire to the music. Drinking games were being played, and before I knew it, I had four empty beer bottles at my feet.

I glanced at Edward, who was smiling, laughing, and as relaxed as I'd seen him in a long, long time. He was right, we deserved to have a little fun and let loose. It's not like we were driving tonight after drinking all of these beers. He lifted another bottle to his lips that was a clear drink with the word Smirnoff on the label.

"This is a girl's drink!" He exclaimed after one sip. "It's really sweet, it tastes like juice!"

"Let me try it," I said, taking the bottle from him. I took a sip as well. It tasked like blackberries. It was delicious.

"Ohhh weeee. That is good!"

"I should have known that you would like it. It's mild, probably good for you. I'm going to grab another beer. I will grab another Smirnoff for you."

Edward went to get our drinks and reappeared a minute later, plopping down on to the folding chair. It squeaked, then we heard a loud snap, as he ended up sinking further into the center of the chair.

He looked up at me, absolutely cracking up. "Bella, I broke the chair, with my big butt! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" He could not stop laughing. Seeing him so giddy and carefree, I began laughing hysterically as well.

Controlling our laughing a bit, I hoisted him up, helping him get his butt unstuck from the chair and as we were both standing facing one another, Edward leaned down and kissed me. He tucked his hand around the back of my ear and traced his thumb on my cheekbone. At that moment, my body felt tingly, and I felt lighter, swaying my hips with the music playing. I kissed him back and we began dancing in a soft, unstructured slow dance, swaying to the music playing on the boom box. A woman crooned out a tune about something turning her on. At that moment, I felt the exact same way.

Edward pulled back for air, and the look in his eyes was a deep, smoldering fire. I couldn't remember if he had ever looked at me like that. I gazed up at him with an intensity that tried to convey what I was feeling. Edward took my hand and led me back to our tent, looking down at my face every few seconds. I could barely take my eyes off him. Something had changed as we kissed and danced, and the electricity flowing through our bodies was practically humming. He was in a hurry to get back to the tent. We finally reached it, on the outskirts of the campground. We had set up our tent in one of the last spaces before the trail curves down the road and leads to the lake.

Edward unzipped the tent and climbed inside. I followed him and he zipped the tent behind me.

Suddenly, I was unsure of myself, and unsure of what to do. It seemed like we had a moment back there, one that made me feel as if I was falling away from myself and lost in the depths of his gaze on me. Edward situated the tent and looked at me, the small flashlight he had held to lead us back to the tent on the floor between us, casting a slight glow around us. He reached for me once again, crashing his lips to mine. I was surprised at the ferocity of his kiss, how it seemed urgent and needful. His hands found the small of my back and crept slightly underneath my sweatshirt, his thumbs tracing small circles on my waist. I tangled my hands in his soft hair and tried to bring my body closer to him, if it was possible.

Then, Edward began to lower us, slowly, until we were both on our knees, never breaking apart. His knee hit the flashlight, so he flicked that out of the way, and then pulled himself into a sitting position and pulled me down with him.

My legs went to the left side of him as a he swiveled me to sit on his lap. He broke our kiss, looking me in the eye, and moved his lips to my jaw line, then my neck. I closed my eyes, savoring the feeling. I thought that I could die happy that very moment.

Edward had never kissed me this way. When we did kiss, it seemed controlled, almost gentlemanly. Edward didn't make out with me for long, he would usually end things by pulling away slightly, smiling at me, then kissing my nose, forehead, or cheek. He had never tried to touch me. Now, a low groan came out of the back of his throat as he traced his nose on my cheek, laying soft kisses on my neck, his hands roaming my back underneath my sweatshirt.

I suddenly felt bold, and wanted him to know that I was okay with this progressing and things going further. I pulled backwards a bit, and carefully yanked off my sweatshirt, throwing it onto the other side of the tent. Edward smiled then reached up to my face and grabbed the sides of it with both hands, pulling my lips back to his, taking my bottom lip between his and gently begging for entrance. Our tongues danced a rhythm as old as time, as I took his hand in mine and, smiling against his lips, gently placed it on my shoulder. Edward was surprised by the gesture, but continued kissing me, and then began moving his hand that was on my shoulder up and down my arm. That felt nice, but it wasn't what I was going for. I was trying to give him permission, access to my body, to let loose a little bit. I realized that I had been subtle and perhaps this was not the way to go. Edward had always acted so restrained with me, he didn't realize what I was offering him.

I caught his hand again as it was reaching for my back, then took it in mine again, and very purposefully, placed his hand on my left breast, my eyes locked on his the entire time.

Edward gasped against my lips, and pulled away for a second, then brought his mouth back up to mine, kissing me with a fierceness that hadn't been there a second ago. His hand gently skimmed my breast as I wound my arms around his neck, and then I had another thought. I brought my hands up to his throat, and gently, slowly, began unzipping the jacket he wore.

Edward stopped kissing me and watched my face the entire time. When the jacket was fully unzipped, I slipped my hands underneath the material, up to his shoulders, and pushed it down his arms.

Edward's hands came up to my shoulders, as he seemed to ask for permission with his eyes, he placed his fingers up along the collar of my button up blouse, and lowered the material slightly, so that he could place small, open mouthed kisses on my throat.

I sighed in pleasure as the waves of desire ripped through me. I wanted Edward, more than I had ever felt before. My fingers teased underneath the hem of his t-shirt, and he slowly unbuttoned the top button of my blouse.

We continued this way for awhile, slowly exploring each other. He eventually had my entire shirt unbuttoned, the shirt opened to reveal my white lace bra, sitting squarely in front of his face. He slipped his hands into the shoulders of my shirt and slipped it off of me. I crept my hands upwards, lifting his shirt above his head, feeling his warm skin against my stomach, underneath my arms as they wrapped around him.

Edward held me by the waist as he lowered me gently, backwards onto the sleeping bag. He openly stared at my breasts, my stomach, and I arched my back up and slipped my hands underneath myself and unclasped my bra and tossed it to the side. Edward watched the entire time and then leaned towards me to begin rubbing soft circles on my stomach.

He slowly worked his way upward, finally reaching my breasts, tracing the sides of them, around and around, driving me mad. The slow tickles were tantalizing while at the same time, causing me to need release. His eyes glanced between my face and my chest, and without warning, he dipped his head down and kissed my right nipple.

I couldn't help it; I moaned. Loudly. I had never felt anything like that, the sensations pulsing through me. Edward was surprised and continued to glance up at my face, but continued his ministrations. I placed my hands on his shoulders, then in his hair, trying to bring him closer to me.

Edward used his hand on my left breast, and I began to squirm underneath him. The feelings felt amazing, but I needed more. Edward seemed to sense this and unlatched his mouth from my chest and moved his hands slowly down towards the waistband of my jeans.

He glanced up at me once, and I nodded at him, giving my permission.


End file.
